Yup, I’m still alive

As I commented last year, I don’t tend to post here much lately, but I am still alive.  As you can see from the sidebar, I’ve started riding again this year (about a month earlier than last year, though I have no plans at present for a century this year), but have not flown in far too long, I hope to rectify that this week.  I still do plan to start posting more stuff here, but have had some issues with motivation that I hope to explain shortly.

Random Thoughts: Smokey, stress, depression, weather

I don’t know if anyone out there actually reads this.  I really started doing this mostly for myself, but I have told a few people about it.  If there is still anyone out there, you’ve no doubt noticed that I haven’t been posting much lately (except my occasional flight log).  There a a few reasons for that and I’ll touch on most of them in this post.  I’ve actually been somewhat more active on Facebook and have even briefly considered shutting this down, but for the time being I think I will leave the blog up.  That said, I’m still likely to be more active on Twitter (I’ll reach my 1000th tweet this week, I think) and Facebook, but I hope to get back to writing here more often.

First off, on Monday, 26 Apr, my 19-year-old cat, Smokey, passed away.  He had been struggling and I actually thought we were going to have to put him down in Feb., but he hung in there until the end of Apr.  Unfortunately, that was a day that I had to teach, so I probably had the worst class I’ve ever taught that evening.  This was probably even more difficult for me than when Ellie passed away.  I really didn’t have a lot of use for cats when Smokey wandered into my life, but he adopted me and for the next 16 years, he was my cat.

One of the other reasons that I haven’t posted much has to do with stress in my life.  In fact, moreso than I really realized until about the last week.  In Jan, my friend Lenny asked me to write some new material for his malware analysis class for SANS.  It was something I really wanted to do, but I had a lot of trouble concentrating on it and really didn’t get quite as much written as I would have liked, though Lenny seems quite happy with my material.  Couple that with a pretty short deadline (only two weeks because someone else had originally agreed to do that part but had to back out at nearly the last minute) and the SANS class that I mentored from Feb-Apr and TA-ing at SANS 2010 in Orlando, and some stuff that I really needed to get done at work, oh, and Erin had a rough quarter, too, and preparing to sit for the GSE exam, and I was having trouble concentrating on anything or getting anything accomplished.  In fact, I still owe Lenny an appendix from Feb, that I hope to write this month yet. Well, the class I was mentoring ended the first weekend in May.  I passed the GSEC certification exam in Mar (with a 93, I think), and the GSE written 2 weeks ago (with a 98.67% that should have been 100%).  All of those have helped.  Also, for the last week or so, I’ve been making a concerted effort to simplify and only work on one thing at a time and as a result, I’ve had the two most productive weeks at work in over a year.  Oh, and on Monday, we should close on our refinancing on the house which will lower our interest rate and allow us to roll half the credit cards into it.  This should result in us being completely debt-free in 7-10 years.  The take-away from that is, I need to learn how to remove some of the stress in my life.  I think that has also resulted in my weight remaining stagnant (202±2) rather than getting down where I expected it to be by now (about 195).

Another topic I wanted to touch on, as listed in the title of this post, is depression.  Until I lived with it, I didn’t really understand mental illness.  A week or so ago, someone I know ran out of their medication and the mail order refill didn’t show up on time.  So, this person is off of their meds for a few days and someone who is supposed to be close to them says this person should “man up and get over it”.  Would you say that to someone with cancer? kidney failure?  Mental illness is no less a “real” illness, it results from a real chemical imbalance in the brain.  Clinical depression isn’t just the “feeling down” that we’ve all experienced from time to time and telling someone to “get over it”, really pissed me off.  To date, I’ve refrained from telling this other person what I really think of that statement, but that may not last.

The weather this month has been pretty ridiculous.  Lots of thunderstorms and heat, but I haven’t been able to get in the pool yet even though I’ve had it open for a week.  Sigh…  Another severe thunderstorm watch just kicked in and the Reds game is in a rain delay.  More again (relatively) soon.

Yes, I’m still alive

I really did have every intention of posting more frequently, but now I see it has been 1.5 months since my last one.  I’ve had lots of things I wanted to talk about (and I’ve posted many of the links to facebook), but I just haven’t had the time/motivation/energy to make myself post here.  I’m on vacation this week and spending it with my parents.  A nice change of pace.  Watching lots of football and college hoops.  Tonight, I get to see my niece’s band concert.  BTW, Happy Birthday, Mom!!  It has turned into another month of putting miles on the car, though not quite as many as in July.  I was out to visit my sister (and work in NJ) the week before Thanksgiving and now the drive down here.  It won’t be the 5K+ of July, but easily more miles than I normally put on the vehicle.  Thanksgiving was good, I hope you had good ones, too.  None of the kids were actually around on Thursday, Shane and Jen went to her parents’ and Erin had to work (and, of course, Matt was in ND).  Shane and Jen, along with Sherry’s Mom, sister, brother-in-law, and their 2 kids were all out the house for a second Thanksgiving meal on that Saturday though.  I do truly have much to be thankful for this year.  I’m debating what to do for my holiday letter this year.  I’ll probably only actually mail it to folks that I don’t have e-mail addresses for (or folks that I’m not friends with on FB, I haven’t entirely decided yet).  Oh, and I really need to work on that magazine/journal article I’m supposed to be writing.  I’ll probably do that this afternoon while Dad gets his hair cut.

The Founding Fathers and meandering thoughts on healthcare and economic meltdowns

First off, a note.  I probably should not have begun this after taking an Ambien this evening.  I desperately need a good night’s sleep tonight, but that means this post will probably wander all over the place.  Perhaps, I’ll find out if anyone besides me even reads any of my rantings.  Oh, well.  Onward.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  The folks who wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the US did something amazing.  I think those documents hold up very well more than 230 years later.  A friend pointed me at a post the other day that mentioned (correctly) that the right to free speech isn’t granted by the 1st amendment, it is protected by it.  I’ll agree to a point (but then my next post will include a pointer to a post about rights and John Calvin who would argue there are no rights), but then that very same post seemed to have problems with the fact that some of us believe that there are other rights that deserve protection.  So, let me get right to the point of this post.  While they were courageous and perhaps ahead of their time, the men who founded this country were not perfect, they were not saints, and they were not gods.  They made mistakes.  Remember, to them “all men are created equal” meant all white males who owned land were created equal.  Women?  Nope.  Farmhands?  Nope.  People of color?  Are you insane?  Remember, two of our first three Presidents owned slaves and one of them had children by at least one of his slaves (and I still think he was a pretty amazing guy).  They were right to make it difficult to change the Constitution.  It isn’t something that should be done lightly, but the document isn’t sacred though some would have you believe it is.  It took a civil war before men of color were “officially” treated as men and another 100+ years after that before practice even started to match the words on paper (and, in many ways, I think we’re still not there).  Women haven’t even had the right to vote for 90 years yet, let alone equal treatment under the law.  Is there a “right to privacy” (whatever that means)?  Does it even make sense to say something like that in 1776?  The founders had no conception of a world of electronic surveillance and warrantless eavesdropping.  They couldn’t have been expected to protect a right that was probably obvious to them against a future they couldn’t foresee.  That’s in part why the 9th amendment reserves those rights not specifically enumerated “to the people.”  In fact, here are the exact words of the 9th amendment.  “The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”  Now, there is no question that after seeing the abuses of the government in England, the founders intended the federal government to be fairly weak.  Over the years, the general consensus has drifted a little from that original mindset (though there are clearly those out there who want a weak federal government), but many of us believe that there are certain functions best served by government.  Going back 100 years, there have been efforts to include healthcare as one of those rights that ought to be protected.  Heck, Richard Nixon who sat on some of McCarthy’s hearings, so could hardly be called soft on communism proposed extending Medicare to every citizen in 1974.  Unfortunately, for those of us who are concerned about possibly losing our health insurance (or our homes after a loss of health insurance), the Democrats in Congress thought they could get an even better deal in 1976 when surely a Democrat would be elected President.  They didn’t seize what was probably the best opportunity presented to date.  They were arrogant.  If it wasn’t already obvious, I think ultimately, “single payer” is the way to fix healthcare as most other industrialized countries have already concluded, but even the watered down “public option” now seems to not be included in what will come to the Senate floor for debate next week.  By the way, in the comments to a blog post that I’ll link to in my next post, it was pointed out that the current healthcare debate is really mostly/entirely about the middle class and the poor.  The rich will always be able to afford whatever healthcare they want, why isn’t anyone really talking about that?  There are folks who are all up in arms about the size (in $$) of the debt that would be incurred by the proposals to jumpstart the economy and take care of health care, but Nobel Laureate economists point out that it isn’t actual dollar amounts that matter.  What matters is what is it as a percentage of GDP (by the way, did you know that the stimulus implemented by the Chinese government was 25% of GDP? the equivalent by the US government would have been in the vicinity of $2 trillion).  And there, we’re actually in relatively moderate territory.  Yes, by the time all the stimulus and bailouts and getting health care right are done, the deficit could be around 50% of GDP.  That sounds large until you consider that it was 120% of GDP at the end of World War II.  Many industrialized nations (primarily in Europe) have successfully exited periods where there debt loads were in the 80-90% range.  To get out of the economic melt down that started almost exactly 12 months, the federal government became the spender of last resort.  Individuals were frightened so they started burying money under the mattress metaphorically (paying down credit card bills and getting by with less).  Well, if the consumers aren’t buying, if demand dries up, then the supply side of the equation has to slow down.  You can’t build and build and build if there is no one there to buy.  So, you cut back production, you lay off some workers, which frightens the consumers even more so they start hoarding.  When the demand side of the equation goes to zero, the spender of last resort has to come in to prevent entire industries and segments of society from going back to trying to farm their front yards.  The only entity with the ability to do that (in part, because they are allowed to have unbalanced budgets — a federal balanced budget amendment would have caused the events of this past year to devolve into a second great depression –) is the federal government which must come in and spend stimulus money (that it doesn’t have) to buy some of the goods just sitting around rotting and put people to work (some in almost “make work” jobs), but get them working and earning an income again.  It is what FDR seemed to have understood and Keynes articulated that led to the early programs of the New Deal.  Alas, just as things were starting to pick up steam but had not yet reached self-sustainability, the other party started whining about the debt and FDR gave in and started to cut back.  Many of us who have studied it believe the Great Depression could have ended in 1936 or 1937 at the latest, had FDR not given in and started cutting back for fear of the size of the deficits.  The result, the improvement slowed and drifted, not quite breaking out of the depression, not really falling further back in.  Conveniently (in economic terms if not in terms of world peace), World War II came along less than 3 years later and again we have the government push to build things beyond all proportion and to keep that up from 1941 – 1945 (or 1946).  At which point, it was possible to slow down a bit, but we now had so many skilled workers who had brought home a decent wage and they wanted to have a little fun with that.  And so, with the economic growth that came out of WWII (including new markets to sell to after we rebuilt them) that incredible 120% of GDP debt that we had in 1945 quickly shrunk as the economy grew and diversified and through the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s even with oil shocks and “stagflation” the debt as a percentage of GDP got small.  Ah, well, I really need sleep now.  Sorry for rambling.  Good night.

To continue where I left off…

I still haven’t made the flight to visit my friend, if all goes well, that should happen next week.  In the last week or so, however, I have gotten some good news, that I’d like to share.  I mentioned in the last post that there had been some bad news.  I was informed that my aunt had breast cancer.  About the same time, one of my wife’s coworkers got bad news about possible cancer in her abdomen.  Finally, the father of a good friend discovered he required 5 heart bypasses.  Well, the good news is that after the lumpectomies, the tests suggest that my aunt’s cancer was caught early enough and appears not to have spread.  Followup radiation should be brief and no chemo required.  My wife’s coworker had surgery last week and they removed 17 lbs (yes, you read that right, 17 lbs) worth of tumor from her ovaries.  Now, she isn’t a large girl by any stretch of the imagination, so I’m stunned at the size, but they don’t believe the cancer has spread to any other organs (though they are still waiting for some test results).  Finally, my friend’s father seems to have come through the quintuple bypass well, so it has been good news all the way around.  I am going to endeavor from here on to post something here at least once or twice a week.  I have a number of thoughts that I need to develop into a more complete form, but we shall see.

Home for a while

Well, my car has travelled 5,118 miles in the last 30 days.  It has been a busy month and I have one more little visit (though I intend to fly that one rather than drive) to make sometime this month, but otherwise I think I’ll be a homebody for a while.  The week after the holiday, I visited my youngest sister for a couple of days and got to see my nephew play some baseball, then went on to NJ to get in some face-time with the boss and team.  While there, I also got to visit with some good friends from back when I lived out that way.  Then it was back to my sister’s for another day and on home.  After a week at home, it was down to NC to spend time with Mom and Dad and celebrate Dad’s 75th birthday.  While there, I set up wireless networking so I can use the laptop down there.  I also was able to have lunch with a very dear friend from college that I hadn’t seen in over 25 years.  Then I came home, but my car went on another road trip with Matt.  He went to Memphis to visit a friend from basic training (I think) then to visit with George (his old boss, the one who took him to Japan a few years back).  After he brought my car back, I traveled back over to my sister’s for my nephew’s belated graduation party.  Lots of miles on the car, but lots of good visits with friends and family.  There has also been some bad news in the extended family, but I don’t really want to talk about that right now.  It looks like the weather probably won’t allow the flying I was hoping to do.  I really need to find some time to get instrument current again.

More random thoughts

Wow, so I went another month without posting anything.  Sorry about that.  Since I last posted, I finally got the notification that my GREM Gold paper was approved (it hasn’t been posted yet, I’ll update this (or post a new one) when it is (it should be at http://giac.org/certified_professionals/practicals/grem/48.php when it is).  I actually turned the original draft of the paper in around the end of Feb, but for some reason it took almost 3 months for my advisor to sign off on it even though I made no significant changes in it.  I’ve written up and done a trial run of my SANSFIRE talk based on the paper, it was too long, so I’ll have to shorten the talk up some before I give it on the 18th.  The pool is open, I got in it yesterday, Erin got in today, but it is still a little on the chilly side.  I really need to find some time to fly under the hood with and instructor and get IFR current again.  Mom and Dad leave this week for their Alaskan cruise (did I mention we –the kids– gave them this cruise as their 50th anniversary present?).  I saw the new Star Trek movie and I’m still (even 3 weeks later) not sure how much I like it and how much I dislike it.  I’m not real happy that they tossed out everything that came before, but I kind of understand why Abrams felt like he needed to.  Mark’s baseball team lost too early in the state playoffs, but Marist made the NCAA tournament (where they were promptly eliminated by Ohio State).  Hopefully he can help them get back there again next year.  There still isn’t a new contract with the union, so I still have to worry about possibly getting sent out to the New Lex CO.  I finally watched The Bucket List this evening.  I DVRed it a couple of weeks ago.  I enjoyed it though I thought Jack Nicholson had too much weight on him for someone going through chemo.  How’s that for an odd thought.  I have built a database using the baseball databank data to give me game info back to at least 1920 and play-by-play back to 1960 (except 1992-1999).  I even figured out how to convert the current season data into retrosheet format and put it in the database.  I want to use it to get more accurate fielding data than I can get from the box scores.  I’ll play with it after my SANSFIRE talk and before I start studying for my GCFW recertification.  I enjoyed Leno’s last week and Conan’s first on the Tonight Show.  I need to call my baby sister, I didn’t get to call her on her birthday, I hope she’ll forgive me.  How’s that for random thouhts?

Random thoughts from Star Wars Day

I have a whole bunch of things I need to post about, but not enough time in which to do it, so I’ll throw a few of them out here and hopefully find some time in the next couple of days to write about some of the others.

Wow, it was more than 10 years ago now when our musician at Faith UCC asked me to do “Gethsemane” from Jesus Christ Superstar as a solo for Maundy Thursday. Since I am not now (nor have I ever been, well maybe I was briefly, anyway…) a tenor (are there any parts in the entire show other than Caiaphas for basses?), we took it down a little bit and changed the arrangement slightly (and I took a few parts down an octave), but I really like that song. The whole story of Gethsemane has always been one of my favorites because it shows Jesus as struggling with doing God’s will, just like the rest of us. I was reminded of this when John Shuck posted a link to this youtube video (it actually starts at 1:44).

The other thing I wanted to mention today has to do with my weight.  I am just shy of 6′ 2″ tall and when I graduated from high school I weighed 147 lbs, yup not a lot of body fat there.  Apparently, that is at the bottom end of “healthy weight” for my height.  I remained there until about my junior year of college.  I was still about 160 when I graduated from college.  By the time I returned to grad school for the second time I was in the 190s.  I topped out at 242 in 1999 (after my back surgery).  Yup, at that point I was 95 lbs heavier than when I graduated from high school.  In 2000, I talked to my doctor and devised a plan to take off some of that weight.  I ended up losing 44.5 lbs in 7 or 8 months.  I eventually got down to 197.5, but I didn’t stay there long.  I was in the low 200s for a while, but over the next year or so, I gradually crept back up to the point that I was pretty consistently 227± 2 for about 3 years until last July.  When I got home from SANSFIRE in July, I weighed 232 again.  At that point, I decided enough was enough.  I’ve changed the way I eat (limiting calories by watching portion sizes, increasing fiber, drinking lots of water — about 140oz/day) and I exercise regularly again (something I haven’t really done in a very long time).  This morning, I weighed myself at 197.0 lbs which is the lightest I’ve been in at least 15 years (I was about 208 when we got married if I remember correctly).  I’d still like to take a little more off, but I’m very happy with this.  More later.

Oh, and may the Fourth be with you (yeah, lousy pun I’ve seen numerous places today).

Busy, busy, busy

Folks, I must apologize for my silence these last few weeks.  There are a lot of things I could write about right now, but I’m just tired so all I’ll do is fill you in a bit on what has been going on.  A week or two before my last entry, Matt had the hood of his car pop open while he was traveling at 75mph on the freeway headed home from his reserve unit.  The wind caught the hood and slammed it into the windshield.  He wasn’t hurt, but the insurance company called the car a complete loss.  Then a few days after the last entry, he was staying at a friend’s house on his drill weekend.  He went to open the window and discovered that this one didn’t have counterweights and it slammed back down on his finger.  See the x-ray below.  He has since had a pin inserted to hold the bones together while they heal.

Then, the remnants of Hurricane Ike moved into the area and through a wierd encounter with the jet stream resulted in tropical storm force winds (with hurricane strength gusts) hitting our area.  It took the carport off the house and dropped it on the wife’s car, so we’ve been dealing with insurance companies, too.